Thursday, 15 May 2008

Freedom

Not Free
I can honestly say that i haven't lived a free life. Ever since i was a kid, choices in my life were made by my parents. Of course, when you're a kid, parents really make choices for you. For example: I can't choose where to go to school because lets face it, what does a kid know about quality education when he/she have only lived in this world for 5 years, and knows the world as full of rainbows, butterflies, good home-cooked meals and Jollibee.

Liberty
As we grow, our parents are obliged to slowly set us free. My parents does this too, but i guess they're not too good at doing this. They still make major decisions for me, and when they don't or can't, they persuade me to do what they want me to do. If I don't do as they please, and my decision turns out to be wrong, they'll bring it up every occasion that they can. When I do as they please and I am unhappy, I am not to mention that I am unhappy because they'll get angry. They'll probably think that I'm an ingrate.

Defending Myself
Most of the arguments with my folks are with my mum. We always clash. Anything she says that I don't like, it automatically ticks me off, and vice versa. My dad easily gets pissed when I get clumsy. And when we argue, I let them go about with their ranting then i defend myself. I admit, when I defend myself, I don't use the right tone of voice, but hey, It's difficult to keep my voice level when i'm so pissed. So of course my defense sets them off and it sets me off as well. so boom! I end up always wrong and they end up always right. I end up crying alone and they end up telling everybody how bad a child I am.

Repressed
I am a repressed person, and I owe it all to my parents. If I am not scared of setting them off, then i won't be repressed at all. haha. I hate being scolded and I especially hate being told off because of a story that i shared, especially if it's not about me. so I hold my stories too, or I only share those which i have scrutinized and concluded that i won't be told off. I'm scared of saying how I feel because if they don't like what I feel, i will be forced to abandon that feeling.

Happy
Sure I'm happy with my family. I'm happy thinking about them and my plans for them if i have money. I'm happy with my folks cause i grew up to be more or less a disciplined citizen and an honest person. I owe it all them. It may take me a long time to get my freedom, and when I get it, it still isn't freedom because I have responsibilities to my country and to those I love.

I will never get my freedom.

I'll get over it.

We all can't have it anyway.

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