Missing out

Have you ever felt that you missed out in a lot? Well, the feeling's mutual.

My parents are strict. I rarely go out of the house. It's not that they don't allow me to go out, It's just that they somehow managed to get it to my brain that they won't allow me to go out.

Childhood Memories
Being a kid is fun, you get to play all and read all day. My parent's let me play around a lot. I didn't find the need to go somewhere for playmates because my cousins and I live together (father side) in my grandmum's house, and every Sunday, we go to my aunt's place where I get to play with my other (mum side) cousins.

When we left my grandmum's home and lived in a huge rental house in Marikina, that's when my I felt my parent's strictness, they always wanted our playmates to play at home, and they rarely let us play outside. It wasn't much of a bother then too, cause our playmates were all too happy to play at our place. Lot's of hiding places and you can wriggle out of a chase by running endlessly inside the house then out.

High school fun

We lived in Antipolo, 2 years after staying in Marikina. I think I was in 5th or 6th grade. Anyway, I had this friend which was 3 - 5 lots away from our house, and my mum would rarely let me play there. I could go out of the house but not too far away. We had bikes but we can't bike past the oval, or we can't go somewhere where they can't find us immediately. Though these were not asked of us, these were implied, and being the obedient little girl they trained me to be, I followed.

So when I got into high school, I envied those who can go to the mall at their will, with their friends, eat out, play arcade, have their pictures taken in picture city or anyone doing anything with their friends, without their parents. When I want to go out, I have to ask for permission a few days ahead.

I missed out on a lot of "gimiks" and "mallings". My life was school and home. This is when I started discovering the Internet, chatting and emailing. I regained a part of my social life. I have a world where there are people like me, who are stuck or prefer to be stuck at home.

College No Show
When college came I was allowed to go to vigan in my freshman year. I wasn't able to attend any birthday party because they were always in a province "far" from our home. I was surprised when they allowed me to go to enchanted kingdom with my classmates, which was supposed to be followed by an overnight stay at a classmates house, which my mum cut short cause my HS gradpic fell from the wall (my brother knocked it off accidentally), and 2 paskuhan sessions in bulacan (3rd and 4th yr). But still, I was a no show for birthdays and all other events that my classmates planned. I'm a college No Show.

I hate it when I'm not with them, all the times they had fun and I have to stay at home, thinking about how to pass the time.. I hate it soooo much. I missed out on a lot of things and I feel like I lost my friends. Though, they are still (and I think forever :p) will be there during my tough times, how about the happy times? aren't those happy times friendship-strengthening as well?

I miss hanging out with my friends. I miss them so much. Eversince I had a boyfriend, I saw less of them, and I became more agitated that I can't be with them.

How I hate missing out... no I dont hate it, i loathe it! I loath, loath LOATHE missing out


Iyay said…
I miss you, twin! :D

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